What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 29.06.2025 00:17
He resisted the act ,that day.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My ex got into a relationship within 2 weeks after a breakup. What should I do?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Ive learnt so much.
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We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
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So, i spoilt her more .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Was to survive, this bastard.
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My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
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And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
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I had hoped to write a book about this .
Would this be the day?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
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I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Has your mother ever walked in on you at an inappropriate time?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I waited trembling.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She found it foreign!.
I was very sick at this time too.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She loved him until the end.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We all went to grammer schools
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
All the time i was locked up.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I couldn’t, believe it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I never cut or harmed myself..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
One cannot live in the past .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She wouldn,t have been !
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was scared of men, in general
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I will be 64.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
When she asked me how she looked .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My life is so biszare .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Why did i forgive my father ?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I don,t even have a pension.
So whats the point in blame.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
This is soul school!.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was 9 years of age.
Comes on , in middle age.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I said to her
Put me off passion for life!!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And i lived it daily.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
What did i know ?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I write beautiful poetry .
She married twice! .
He knew the spot.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was in good health!
I was seconnd youngest,
Im still living with it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I have no regrets .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But, we were locked up after school.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I think the readers, may guess!
Who then, do I blame.?
It was going to be , some day.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But it wasn’t much.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We were not on the streets..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But ive been too sick for many years..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My family never makes their pension either.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.